i wake up 20 feeling like my insides are being stapled shut

not sewn—i know the difference

this time feels rougher, faster and with less precision

running out of time

or my intestines will fall out

careful stitching versus quicker stapling

my stomach has not been cared for in some time

but i am 20

and the staples are still there

and i wonder if they will ever be replaced by careful hands and a sharp needle and thread

to finish the job

but i can’t help but to think that i am still incomplete

that there is a gaping in between the staples

and sometimes i spill

out into the world

like today

i am 20

and i wake up to the sky spilling its guts onto our drought-ridden campus

and i feel like i too

can bring on the rain