Vassar Student Review

Vassar Student Review

Stoops

By Sarah King

mallowmars

a mouth opens

for

mallow

marscookie and

sticky

stuck

marshmallow

filling her

mouth open

and closed

for sweetness

and conflicted

crunchy soft

 

too late to 

wonder

but I am

as I look at you

at us

sitting on this

stoop

too much

in the mouth

and the mind

to speak

 

and

I opened my

mouth

to marshmallow

fluff but

instead heard

some words come

out as I looked

at you

at us

I can’t see us

can you?

 

I feel so lonely

when I go to sleep

I think I 

yearn

but despise

my acceptance

of it

that sleep

you love

to sleep,

it is 

rest

 

I want to 

wander

on this stoop

forever

if I go to bed

my thoughts

will wake up

too clear and defined

I want to 

wander

with my mouth

full

of marshmallow

ponderings

next to your

smeared mascara—

 

You started weeping

it often happens at this

point in the night

or the morning

when the movement

of the day

slows

to

a

stoop

,

and we sit here

wandering

cigarettes smoked

liquor lost

to the blood

and mind

 

you started weeping

I realized

it may have been something

I said

 

I hate

sleep

I love

eyes open

I fear my eyes

closed 

at myself 

you love 

sleep

you are exhausted

from looking

at yourself

 

whereas I

adore it

 

I love awakeness 

for the dark

is not—

you love sleep

for the dark

is—

I love for the dark—

You love for the dark—

 

perhaps we

love

the same thing:

but we love it differently

 

the mallowmar

still fills

your mouth

though we 

stopped

eating long ago

at least

I think

that’s why

you’re not speaking—

 

we love 

for fear

of our faces

 

I love for fear

of waking

alone 

with my clear

thoughts

of thinking

I love for the love

of staying 

awake

to hear you cry and speak

to me of

 

your love for fear

of cognizance

of wandering thoughts

that lead you alone

in your body

that leave me alone

in mine

you love for the love

of free

rest where there is no 

obligation

where there is nothing

 

what about the chocolate

coating?

it crackles when my

mouth tastes it

when my mouth

tastes

the thought

it crackles

loud

enough

for us both

to hear

 

I love for fear

of not loving

myself

I think you do too

 

though you want 

to drink yourself

into wandering

sleep

and

I want 

to eat myself

awake

 

to taste, absorb

and feel—

 

otherwise I get so 

numb sometimes

without the 

crunch of the 

cookies

saliva and sticky

mallllow

in between my 

lips—

 

I cannot make myself 

feel

I love you for fear

that I cannot make myself

feel—

you remember to touch

my shoulder

you know that I forget

if I’m real sometimes

 

you love the freedom

from that touch perhaps 

you love

not being

real

 

I think I’ll

put you to bed now

so your staring

wanders

into realness

can stop

for a time

 

you know me

after you sleep

I’ll sit out

on the stoop

for a while

longer

afraid of my bed,

bite a mallow

mar

and throw the rest away

now too 

afraid

of the echoes of

myself

of my need to fear

 

I love for fear of this moment

on the stoop

when I don’t know where 

else to go

 

I envy your love of 

being lost

 

do you envy me too?

 

tomorrow night

maybe you’ll

go to bed with 

someone

who can 

get lost somewhere too

 

I’ll be on the stoop

too awake

to let someone

lead me to my bed

to anywhere

I’ll be here

loving 

my awareness

fearing a fate

of fantasy

 

I should submit myself

to the morning

awakeness

Awareness I will fear after

falling into 

the sleep I 

fear

the wandering I 

fear

too much

 

we love

for fear

of our faces.

 

sometimes I wish

I could love like

you do

we don’t 

love

that differently

do we?

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