mallowmars
a mouth opens
for
mallow
marscookie and
sticky
stuck
marshmallow
filling her
mouth open
and closed
for sweetness
and conflicted
crunchy soft
too late to
wonder
but I am
as I look at you
at us
sitting on this
stoop
too much
in the mouth
and the mind
to speak
and
I opened my
mouth
to marshmallow
fluff but
instead heard
some words come
out as I looked
at you
at us
I can’t see us
can you?
I feel so lonely
when I go to sleep
I think I
yearn
but despise
my acceptance
of it
that sleep
you love
to sleep,
it is
rest
I want to
wander
on this stoop
forever
if I go to bed
my thoughts
will wake up
too clear and defined
I want to
wander
with my mouth
full
of marshmallow
ponderings
next to your
smeared mascara—
You started weeping
it often happens at this
point in the night
or the morning
when the movement
of the day
slows
to
a
stoop
,
and we sit here
wandering
cigarettes smoked
liquor lost
to the blood
and mind
you started weeping
I realized
it may have been something
I said
I hate
sleep
I love
eyes open
I fear my eyes
closed
at myself
you love
sleep
you are exhausted
from looking
at yourself
whereas I
adore it
I love awakeness
for the dark
is not—
you love sleep
for the dark
is—
I love for the dark—
You love for the dark—
perhaps we
love
the same thing:
but we love it differently
the mallowmar
still fills
your mouth
though we
stopped
eating long ago
at least
I think
that’s why
you’re not speaking—
we love
for fear
of our faces
I love for fear
of waking
alone
with my clear
thoughts
of thinking
I love for the love
of staying
awake
to hear you cry and speak
to me of
your love for fear
of cognizance
of wandering thoughts
that lead you alone
in your body
that leave me alone
in mine
you love for the love
of free
rest where there is no
obligation
where there is nothing
what about the chocolate
coating?
it crackles when my
mouth tastes it
when my mouth
tastes
the thought
it crackles
loud
enough
for us both
to hear
I love for fear
of not loving
myself
I think you do too
though you want
to drink yourself
into wandering
sleep
and
I want
to eat myself
awake
to taste, absorb
and feel—
otherwise I get so
numb sometimes
without the
crunch of the
cookies
saliva and sticky
mallllow
in between my
lips—
I cannot make myself
feel
I love you for fear
that I cannot make myself
feel—
you remember to touch
my shoulder
you know that I forget
if I’m real sometimes
you love the freedom
from that touch perhaps
you love
not being
real
I think I’ll
put you to bed now
so your staring
wanders
into realness
can stop
for a time
you know me
after you sleep
I’ll sit out
on the stoop
for a while
longer
afraid of my bed,
bite a mallow
mar
and throw the rest away
now too
afraid
of the echoes of
myself
of my need to fear
I love for fear of this moment
on the stoop
when I don’t know where
else to go
I envy your love of
being lost
do you envy me too?
tomorrow night
maybe you’ll
go to bed with
someone
who can
get lost somewhere too
I’ll be on the stoop
too awake
to let someone
lead me to my bed
to anywhere
I’ll be here
loving
my awareness
fearing a fate
of fantasy
I should submit myself
to the morning
awakeness
Awareness I will fear after
falling into
the sleep I
fear
the wandering I
fear
too much
we love
for fear
of our faces.
sometimes I wish
I could love like
you do
we don’t
love
that differently
do we?
